After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
