I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
