I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
