Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.