i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize