Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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