I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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