and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
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