every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize