my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
