Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
