Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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