Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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