K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
