I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
