yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...