i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.