I am spending my child support on dildos
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
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Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
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I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.