There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
we're making bets on your personal life
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?