i wish semen tasted like chocolate
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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