Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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