I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
