WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
