Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
