Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
