Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
