im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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