I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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