ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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