she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
