The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
