just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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