I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize