P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
