I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
