just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
