she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
