1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
