I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
