yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Randomize
