1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
