before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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