My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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