Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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