My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
