I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She told me I should be a condom model.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
