Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
