Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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