wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
