onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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