I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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