He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Floor bacon is actually really good
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
