So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
