Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
