Where is the hickey?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
