the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
