Redeem this text for a blowjob
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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