It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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