we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
