No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize