Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
the raccoons are back...
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