Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
