Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
