she woke up with a sticky ear
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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