i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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