There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize