Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
