If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
