Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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